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June 28, 2011

I'll be right back...and other famous lies.

This is probably my most heard lie, right in front of, I'll do it in a minute.  I say this to The Mister and/or the kid as I'm walking out the door of the house, or room I might be in, knowing full well that I will, in fact, not be right back.

Last night for instance, my gf down the street texted me and asked me if I had a stick of butter she could borrow.  Of course, being the sweet thing that I am, I immediately jumped at the chance to get out of the house for a few minutes I set out to lend a helping hand.

I lean over my COD playing man, kiss him on the forehead and utter my famous lie.  This was at seven thirty.  When I returned home at nine, the kid was downstairs, in her fathers spot on the couch watching her weekly dose of Switched at Birth, her new obsession.  With a smug grin on her face, she sarcastically chastises me for my tardiness.

Kid:  "Right back, huh?"

Me:  "Well you know KT, she can talk.  It was nearly impossible for me to leave."

Kid:  "Yes mom, I'm sure it was all her talking"

Me:  "Well we haven't seen each other in like, two days and she has a puppy"

Kid:  "How old are you, thirteen?"

Me:  "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

Kid:  "A. I'm seventeen, 2. It's summer and C. It's only nine o' clock."

Me:  "Yeah, so isn't it time for you to get a job and get out?"

Kid:  "Umm, you told me I can't leave until I'm twenty."

Me:  "Oh yeah. Fine, whatever.  Just keep your mouth shut for the rest of your residency.  By the way, when did Pa go to bed?"

Kid:  "About a half hour after you left, just about the time he realized that you wouldn't be right back."

Me:  "Watch it smart ass, I'll put you up for adoption."

Kid:  " You always say that, I think you may be a compulsive liar."

Me:  "You don't even know what that is."

Kid: ...  ...  ...  ...

Kid:  "Please stop talking now, my show is back on"

And that was my Monday night.
See ya tomorrow.


  1. Please stop talking, hah. I've used those words on my mom before too!


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