Are you wanting to get pregnant anytime soon???

I'm still laughing over this question.


Yesterday, I went to the doctor.  Now normally this isn't and out of the ordinary thing for MOST people.  However, I am not most people.  I'm am the queen of "there's a vitamin you can take for that", but alas, my family has informed me that there is indeed, NOT a vitamin for my anxiety issues, or my PMS that is near strong enough to work.  So, for the last two five eight years, my family has informed me, that I'm not getting  better, and in fact may be getting worse, and that maybe it's time to see a doctor.  


WWwwwwhhhaaaaat????


I don't do doctors.  I haven't been to a doctor, but maybe three/four times tops, sixteen years.  That's right, not even for my annual woman exams.  Hasn't happened since February 1996.  I know, some of you may think, 'bitch you're crazy', but I really didn't think so.  I feel healthy, I feel happy and people who go to the doctor, always come back sick and on pills of some sort.  Not that I have a problem with that in general, it's just not for me.  No religious reasons, no mistrust of doctors, I just know my body better than anyone else out there.  When I get sick, I take echinacea to boost my own immune system,  when I get pms, I take my Gaba Calm by the handful and sequester myself to my bedroom for a couple of days.  Bladder and kidney infections were cured with cranberry extract and water.  That has been my life....forever.


Yesterday, the day I caved, I made D go with me, so that I couldn't bullshit the doctor and make my symptom seem less severe than they are, because she's my brutally honest child and has no problem calling 'bullshit' when she feels it necesary, which she felt it necessary a few times yesterday.


So they give me this anxiety test to fill out.  Should've just handed it to D to fill out for me, because everytime I would mark down a two, she would be like, 'ummmmm, that's more like a four'.  Needless to say, when I was done taking the test, we found the last page, the grading page.  Evidently anything over thirty is severe anxiety.  Guess what my score was?????


Sixty-three


That's right sixty-three, and there were a lot of zeros on that test.  


Since the doc was unsure if it was my hormones, or if it was just me being crazy, that was making me crazy, so he prescribed me two things.  Xanax, which is fine.  I was hoping for Valium, because A. I've taken it before, 2. It's been around for like, a thousand years with no 'did someone you know die taking Valium' commercials and C. it's mother's little helper, right?  But I'm being open minded and doing what the doc say.  *Conformity is a bitch sometimes*  Then he recommends that I start taking birth control, to help regulate the PMS symptoms.  


Here's where it gets fun?


Doc:  Have you ever taken birth control before?
Me:  For approximately three days, ever, which may explain the three kids, before I was twenty-two.
Doc:  Well, are you wanting to get pregnant anytime in the near future?
Me:  Bwaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Doc: -_-
Me:   Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha Absolutely NOT  Haahahahahahahahahah, I've been tied, and soldered for sixteen years.   Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha, so NO NO NO NO!!!!
Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahhahahahah.
Doc:  Well give me a few minutes to get your prescription ready. 


Well, today marks the first day of the scientific experiment I'm calling, "will the crazy bitch get better, and if she does, will all her quirkiness die?"


I don't think so.  I don't mind being a bit neurotic, hell, I'll even walk the line of basket case, with a smile on my face, but I'm keeping these pills for the days, where the train wrecks happen.


And who knows, maybe I'll gain some focus along the way?


WWWwhhaaat???


I'll keep y'all posted!!!


Oh and PS...Here a couple pictures, since you had to read all this nonsense.

The first buds to open on my whatever, some sort of dogwood tree.

And the ones that will be open in a couple days.

Is there anybody.......out there?

Seriously, when I woke up this morning, I really thought it was Monday.  Thanks to Miss, Broken By HellMart Again, Impulse Addict and her Super Awesome Cohort, Seriously Shawn  we have a time to just chit chat, then go link up, and instead of us just talking to ourselves, were talking with other wonderful ladies, and maybe a few guys, maybe.


Sooooooooo, let me catch you up on how life has been.  


I know I've told y'all of the trials and tribulations of our new purchased snowmobile, right?  Well yesterday The Mr. finally got to take his, we've owned it for over a month, he's ridden it once, caught it on fire, and it's been in the shop til last Friday, snowmobile out for a fun time yesterday.  The fear of it spontaneously combusting was so real for me, that my girls and I bought him a handy dandy little fire extinguisher for Christmas.  I mean, you can't set TWO different snowmobiles fire, on TWO different occasions, and NOT expect for people to think that it just might be you.  But, he did go, he did have fun, and he sure didn't catch on fire, which pretty much rocks.


Today is Tuesday, which means I'll be jumping around from topic to topic with absolutely no rhyme, reason or logical order at all.  I know it doesn't seem abnormal for me, but today I have an excuse.


My oldest started school to be a medical biller a few days before Christmas and I couldn't be more proud of her.  She's always been a 'take charge of my life' girl, and it's made her into one helluva 'take charge of my life' woman.  I'm so very proud of her and even though she feels a bit overwhelmed, I know she'll succeed with style and grace, well at least style, she's about as graceful as her mommy.


Let's break this blog up with a picture or two shall we?

This is the ever breathtaking Mt. Rainier, on Christmas Eve.

Nice thing about being a passenger?  Taking pictures like this.

A picture of the valley from our hill.  Yes, I'm a hillbilly.

Here's a snippet of a conversation I had with The Mr., while we were watching the football countdown show on Sunday.  It just goes to show you the logic of a what I like to call, mine.


Guy on TV:  It's like he wants his cake and eat it too.
Me:  Why would you have a cake if you weren't going to eat it?
The Mr.:  You're confused, it means they want to eat their cake, and they want to have their whole cake too.
Me:  Well.....Why the hell don't they just bake two cakes?
The Mr.:  ::::::::::::::blank stare with cricket sound::::::::::::
Me:  It makes sense right?  You put in the effort to make that extra cake, you should get to keep one to stay pretty right?
The Mr.:  :::::::::::::::continuous blank stare::::::::::::::
Me:  Right?
The Mr.  Yes honey, I guess that's right.


Ok, I suppose I should let you get back to your regularly scheduled lives, but before I go, I just gotta tell ya that you should totally go link up with my lovely lady friends above, and get to know some other lovely ladies along your blogging travels.


Love, peace and chicken grease.

I'll be right back...and other famous lies.

This is probably my most heard lie, right in front of, I'll do it in a minute.  I say this to The Mister and/or the kid as I'm walking out the door of the house, or room I might be in, knowing full well that I will, in fact, not be right back.

Last night for instance, my gf down the street texted me and asked me if I had a stick of butter she could borrow.  Of course, being the sweet thing that I am, I immediately jumped at the chance to get out of the house for a few minutes I set out to lend a helping hand.

I lean over my COD playing man, kiss him on the forehead and utter my famous lie.  This was at seven thirty.  When I returned home at nine, the kid was downstairs, in her fathers spot on the couch watching her weekly dose of Switched at Birth, her new obsession.  With a smug grin on her face, she sarcastically chastises me for my tardiness.

Kid:  "Right back, huh?"

Me:  "Well you know KT, she can talk.  It was nearly impossible for me to leave."

Kid:  "Yes mom, I'm sure it was all her talking"

Me:  "Well we haven't seen each other in like, two days and she has a puppy"

Kid:  "How old are you, thirteen?"

Me:  "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

Kid:  "A. I'm seventeen, 2. It's summer and C. It's only nine o' clock."

Me:  "Yeah, so isn't it time for you to get a job and get out?"

Kid:  "Umm, you told me I can't leave until I'm twenty."

Me:  "Oh yeah. Fine, whatever.  Just keep your mouth shut for the rest of your residency.  By the way, when did Pa go to bed?"

Kid:  "About a half hour after you left, just about the time he realized that you wouldn't be right back."

Me:  "Watch it smart ass, I'll put you up for adoption."

Kid:  " You always say that, I think you may be a compulsive liar."

Me:  "You don't even know what that is."

Kid: ...  ...  ...  ...

Kid:  "Please stop talking now, my show is back on"

And that was my Monday night.
See ya tomorrow.
Marisa