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April 4, 2012

Are you wanting to get pregnant anytime soon???

I'm still laughing over this question.

Yesterday, I went to the doctor.  Now normally this isn't and out of the ordinary thing for MOST people.  However, I am not most people.  I'm am the queen of "there's a vitamin you can take for that", but alas, my family has informed me that there is indeed, NOT a vitamin for my anxiety issues, or my PMS that is near strong enough to work.  So, for the last two five eight years, my family has informed me, that I'm not getting  better, and in fact may be getting worse, and that maybe it's time to see a doctor.  


I don't do doctors.  I haven't been to a doctor, but maybe three/four times tops, sixteen years.  That's right, not even for my annual woman exams.  Hasn't happened since February 1996.  I know, some of you may think, 'bitch you're crazy', but I really didn't think so.  I feel healthy, I feel happy and people who go to the doctor, always come back sick and on pills of some sort.  Not that I have a problem with that in general, it's just not for me.  No religious reasons, no mistrust of doctors, I just know my body better than anyone else out there.  When I get sick, I take echinacea to boost my own immune system,  when I get pms, I take my Gaba Calm by the handful and sequester myself to my bedroom for a couple of days.  Bladder and kidney infections were cured with cranberry extract and water.  That has been my life....forever.

Yesterday, the day I caved, I made D go with me, so that I couldn't bullshit the doctor and make my symptom seem less severe than they are, because she's my brutally honest child and has no problem calling 'bullshit' when she feels it necesary, which she felt it necessary a few times yesterday.

So they give me this anxiety test to fill out.  Should've just handed it to D to fill out for me, because everytime I would mark down a two, she would be like, 'ummmmm, that's more like a four'.  Needless to say, when I was done taking the test, we found the last page, the grading page.  Evidently anything over thirty is severe anxiety.  Guess what my score was?????


That's right sixty-three, and there were a lot of zeros on that test.  

Since the doc was unsure if it was my hormones, or if it was just me being crazy, that was making me crazy, so he prescribed me two things.  Xanax, which is fine.  I was hoping for Valium, because A. I've taken it before, 2. It's been around for like, a thousand years with no 'did someone you know die taking Valium' commercials and C. it's mother's little helper, right?  But I'm being open minded and doing what the doc say.  *Conformity is a bitch sometimes*  Then he recommends that I start taking birth control, to help regulate the PMS symptoms.  

Here's where it gets fun?

Doc:  Have you ever taken birth control before?
Me:  For approximately three days, ever, which may explain the three kids, before I was twenty-two.
Doc:  Well, are you wanting to get pregnant anytime in the near future?
Me:  Bwaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Doc: -_-
Me:   Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahaha Absolutely NOT  Haahahahahahahahahah, I've been tied, and soldered for sixteen years.   Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha, so NO NO NO NO!!!!
Doc:  Well give me a few minutes to get your prescription ready. 

Well, today marks the first day of the scientific experiment I'm calling, "will the crazy bitch get better, and if she does, will all her quirkiness die?"

I don't think so.  I don't mind being a bit neurotic, hell, I'll even walk the line of basket case, with a smile on my face, but I'm keeping these pills for the days, where the train wrecks happen.

And who knows, maybe I'll gain some focus along the way?


I'll keep y'all posted!!!

Oh and PS...Here a couple pictures, since you had to read all this nonsense.

The first buds to open on my whatever, some sort of dogwood tree.

And the ones that will be open in a couple days.

1 comment:

  1. Hope the scripts help.
    Jealous of your spring indications. We don't have those yet here.


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