Search This Blog

September 14, 2010

Things I wish I knew the answer to...

     For years I've had an inquisitive mind, you know, one that never stops questioning things, whether it's "what do I make for dinner tonight?" or an oldie, but goodie "chicken or egg???", but some questions lack answers and I'm hoping that someone out there will help me to figure them the hell out.

     First of all, why is it that I am the only person in the house, that can throw the cardboard from the center of the toilet paper away.  It's amazing, I know, that they actually put a new roll on the hanger, but is it too much to ask for them to throw the cardboard from the last one out?  Of course, they do the same thing with the drain hair in the shower, scoop it out, so the water drains and sometimes they just fling it into the corner of the shower, sometimes they fling it onto the side of the shower wall.  Charming, yes, I know.  And now that I think about, when they use the last of the shampoo or conditioner, why the hell can't they throw the empty bottle away.  Grrr, there are tons of questions just based on things like that alone, but I digress.

     Moving on.

     Where do the single socks go in the dryer?

     Why is it that you can make an appointment for a doctor, dentist, lawyer or town drunk, you are guaranteed at least a half hour waiting time.  You stress yourself out, because you left late, and now everyone that is in front of you, insists on driving at least 5 under the speed limit, you're running so fast to get there that you twist your ankle when your pump heel breaks, all just to walk in and wait until your name is called, of course, now you've hit menopause and have a whole new set of questions for your doctor.

     Why do I become the worlds biggest klutz when mother nature comes to town?  This is something that stymies me.  As soon as I know mother nature has arrived, it creates some sort of shock wave through my body that hits the "drop everything you touch" and "trip over the invisible" button.  I know, if there are any guys reading this, and I doubt it, I've lost them, but I'm hoping someone else out there relates and I'm not just some ungraceful weirdo that uses the powers of mother nature as an excuse for unbalanceness**.  **Oh yeah, you'll see a lot of words that aren't words.  I have this George W. syndrome, that causes me to make up my own words, however I see fit.

     How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop?  I'm too impatient to figure it out, so if you know, tell me please, I'm dying to know...

     Why, for the love of nail polish, is it that when I find a great color of nail polish, or lipstick or anything for that matter, I fall in love with it, it becomes my best friend, we go out together, I shower it with compliments and then, I run out of it.  This has happened to me so many times, that I now buy at least two of everything new that I fall in love with.  A little tip too...if you buy something on clearance for a project, make double sure that you buy enough for the whole project.  Over the summer, I decided to restain the porches of our house, fantastic idea I thought.  Wrongo!  I bought what I thought was enough of both of the colors I chose to do the porches.  Red cedar and natural cedar, beautiful combo.  I would do most of the porch in the red and then do sporadic boards in the natural.  I only had to get about a quarter of the way into it, when I realized that there was no way in hell, that I was going to have enough of the red to do the porches.  "Shit."  Yeah, I really said it out loud, I'm like that.  Frantically, I hopped in my car and sped like a race car driver to the store to grab a couple more cans of stain.  "Shit!"  they have the natural, but no red.  "Well", I say to myself, becauseI talk to myself a lot.  Yes, it draws attention sometimes, but I'm not one to care.  "There is another Fred Meyer at the top of the hill.", ten miles up the hill, but I'm desperate, since I need to get the porches done, like pronto.  We had company coming over in a week for the Fourth of July and it was supposed to rain tomorrow, time was short. No such luck.  I knew of two more Fred Meyer store within a 20 mile radius and I traveled to both, just wind up totally defeated.  Standing there, in the middle of the paint section, shaking my fists in the air, crying.  Five hours later, I decided to pick myself up off the ground, mostly because they were threatening to have me removed from the store.  Joking.  I gathered my thoughts and said "okay, you're a smart enough girl to design a backup plan", so I sat there for the next hour trying to match up the red cedar with all the other colors they had, I finally picked one and headed home.  I would love to tell you that it matched up almost perfectly, that my porch was nothing short of perfect, but that would be a huge, huge lie.  Moral of the story here.  Always plan your projects well when dealing with clearance items.

   Then there are the questions of common sense and logic such as; why do they call it a shipment, if it goes by car and call it cargo, when it goes by ship?  Why do they call it a parkway, if you drive on it and call it a driveway, when you park on it?  Did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?  Why?

And finally....
     If you pull off the wings of a fly, is it now called a walk?

Okay, now I'm exhausted.  Entirely too much thinking for one evening, it's time to go and fall asleep questioning life and why were here and why we can't eat just one Lays Potato Chip. 

Until tomorrow friends.

0 People said what???:

Post a Comment

For every comment you leave, a zombie bunny turns back into a real bunny.