Merry Christmas to all of you out there. I hope your day is filled with Fun, Family and Love. If you find yourself getting down about something today, please remember....there's always someone worse off than you. Take a minute to take stock of all the wonderful things in your life, and try not to spread negativity, it's a gift nobody wants, and almost everyone returns.
XOXOXO
See you all tomorrow.
Showing posts with label True Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label True Story. Show all posts
December 25, 2012
September 10, 2012
Just steal the whole post, it's way better than plagerizing.
When thinking of what to write about today, I opened up the post that my Grams wrote yesterday, and it hit me.... Just steal hers. So that's exactly what I'm doing today, Since its content affected my life, I figured I was allowed.
I'm allowed, right Grams???
So, without further fluff, let me just give you a quick bit of info. This is a story of my sweet little, darling of a cousin, and her medical fight, and her ability to make it through with the love and support of her family and her amazing will to survive.
Oh and grab a tissue, it's that kind of story.
Read the story.
I'm allowed, right Grams???
So, without further fluff, let me just give you a quick bit of info. This is a story of my sweet little, darling of a cousin, and her medical fight, and her ability to make it through with the love and support of her family and her amazing will to survive.
Oh and grab a tissue, it's that kind of story.
Read the story.
August 28, 2012
A weekend full of T&A
Whewwww, I made it through another milestone, and I even have my sanity left. As some of you may know, my oldest, Lexi got married this weekend. It was a beautiful outdoor wedding, complete with perfect weather, a stunning bride, a very handsome groom and some pretty badass food. **not to toot my own horn or anything, but....beep beep.
The ceremony itself, was very sweet and slightly religious, since Tyler comes from a very devout family, which I'm sure tickled the hell out of Alexis' biodad and step mom, since they view me as the Anti-Christ. This was also the first time I've seen both of them together, since Alexis came back to live with me when she was fifteen, and since the step mom wrote her a pretty rotten email a few weeks ago. It was kind of hard for me to not kill them with death rays from my eyeballs, but it was my baby's special day, and Ithought such violence should be saved for another day. The Mr. was there and was of course as handsome as ever, with his tucked in button up shirt and such. I love it when he comes to events. It helps prove that he is, in fact, a real boy, and not just a figment of my imagination that I made up to appease my loneliness.
So instead of continuing to babble about it, how about I show ya some pics.....
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| The Mr. and me. He cleans up good, don't he. Hubba hubba! PS. Where are my lips??? |
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| This is Alexis, smiling during the opening prayer. What a happy girl. |
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| Sealed with a kiss. |
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| The women of my family, well some of them. My Grams, my mama, my baby, me and my baby baby. |
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| Their wedding cake and cupcakes. |
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| Licking the wedding cake off her face. |
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| The new Mr. and Mrs. |
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| The first dance. |
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| And of course. Kate and I, showing how and how not to act in public. |
The weather was perfect, the ceremony was perfect and I believe the couple is perfect for each others.....
Have an awesome day!!!
July 17, 2012
When you make the right choice, and it still doesn't help.
Hey peeps out there in blogland, how is you're Tuesday going. Mine is sore, but I'll get to that in a minute. Right now I gotta tell ya to go hook up with my girls IA, who's having a horrible month, you poor thing. I hope you get better soon, and then take a trip to the beach with Shawn to relax. Then link up with them. It's just that easy.
Now, for the good stuff. And by good stuff, I mean horrible, horrible things.
This was my weekend.
Friday night started out with The Mr. bringing one of his loud co-workers over. I don't mind that they're loud or even that they stay here for hours, it's that all they talk about is work. UGH!!! It's not a wonder that he thinks the weekends are getting shorter, he spends half of it, talking about the place he cant wait to get a break from. Sheesh. Boys.....I'll never understand em'.
So, after The Mr. goes to bed me and D decide were going to the watch the newest episode of our new favorite show, The Newsroom, when I get a call from a strange number. I don't answer. What? It was after 11pm and my phone was waaaaaay over there, so then a few seconds go by and somebody left a message. So I grab my phone, call voicemail, and find that my girl KT, is down at the bar and needs me NOW!!! So, I get up, get dressed, put on a light layer of war paint and head out. I get to the bar, where she was attending a bachelorette party, to find out that she got a ride there, and Happy, her Mr., was not answering his phone, and he is her DD for the night. So I sit with her for a little bit longer, dance a little bit, hang out with friends, and just when were getting ready to leave....That's right, Happy shows up, looking like he just rolled out of bed, because he had, and took my drunken KT home. I then offered anyone else a ride from a DD, nobody took me up on it, so I went home and went to bed.
Then comes Saturday, when I'M the one in need of a DD, since we are going to a BBQ with some friends, my BFF Squish, who's taking blood thinners and can't drink, offers to be my DD. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! We go to the BBQ, have a total blast, playing pool, having Jello shots, and just being with our amazing friends and having a good time.
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| There's Squish up front making a kissy face, me, D, Bos, are in the back. |
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| Notice how much the dogs like whoever is at the food table? Hmmm odd. |
On the way home we were still gabbing about how much of a good time we had. Squish's boy had fallen asleep and now it was just Squish, D and I shooting the breeze, when all of a sudden....
We come around a curve, and see what appears to be an oncoming car, in our lane about a half mile down the road. Since we're on a 50 mph highway, at first we think, 'he must be passing, he'll get over', and then he doesn't. Squish at this point is left with the decision to flip her car in a ditch, or try to make it to a nearby driveway, or get hit head on. She's frantically honking her horn and flashing her lights, but the guy in the car, was just.....well I don't know WHAT the hell he was. She reaches the driveway and as soon as she get's an inch of the front tire onto the gravel, we were hit head on.
Now, when they tell you that your life flashes before your eyes in a case like this...They are full of shit! The only thing that was running past my eyes was, "please don't let us die, right now", over and over and over. I managed to get out, and get Squish's boy and D out, but unfortunately, Squish was trapped in the car by the door. I ran around the car to try and open her door, searching for that 'there's a car on my baby' strength, and just couldn't find it, moments later the emergency crew was there, cutting her door off with the jaws of life, and D, J and I are sitting the yard 40' feet away listening to her scream as they pull her out. D, J and I came away with minor injuries. We're all sore, and I'm banged and scraped, but we're amazing compared to Squish, who suffered a broken wrist, forearm, ankle, femur and today she is scheduled for a six hour surgery to try and piece together her shattered hip. She is stuck in the hospital for a minimum of 4-6 weeks, and right now she's heavily sedated in ICU.
Here's a few pics of my injuries.
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| My knee |
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| Inside of my thigh. |
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| My lower stomach. |
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| Under my boob and torso. |
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| Air bag burn on my nose. |
We are told that the driver that hit us, was suspected of being intoxicated and suffered a broken arm. At this point, I don't even know his name, or anything about him. What I do know is, that in the blink of an eye, dozens of lives were changed by one wrong choice, and the person most afflicted by this wrong choice, was the person that made the right choice, by being a DD. So if any of you out there have some extra prayers and good thoughts. My girl Squish could surely use them.
May 2, 2012
Warning: Do not drink jug wine, while Facebooking.
Do you know what's harder than starting a whole new schedule?
Going back to the schedule that you had, prior to the new schedule.
I can't believe it's already been a month since my unfortunate and unexpected departure from my workplace, and I think it's okay to talk about it, since I've decided to not even try to get my job back there, or anywhere until D Graduates. Her graduation is more important, than a job for me right now, plus, there's the planning of A's wedding in August, sooooooooo a job for me is put on hold for a minute.
Here's how I got fired, and why FB and Carlo Rossi jug wine do not mix.
Allow me to set the scenario for you, I'm home from work, sitting on my exercise ball. It's about 12:30 am and I'm on my second glass of Carlo Rossi Sangria in hand. Now keep in mind when I say glass, I of course mean a pint size mason jar, and well Carlo, he comes from a jug. It looked something similar to this.
I'm sitting in front of my computer, and a co-worker had posted that she only had seven days at work left and then she would be free.
Then came a few comments, including one that said "Now if you just tell J*** to F*** Off you be among the legends." J*** may or may not be the VP of our company. Now comes my comment, which read, "If you do tell J*** to F*** Off, please for the love of all that is awesome, record it." To which she replied she probably wouldn't, to which I replied "Just a simple F*** Off and a who's coming with me, Half Baked style, would be amazing."
I would then be called into the office three days later, 15 minutes after we had a "New company policy" meeting, that told us all about the "no work talk allowed on social networking sites", and was told, that due to my comments on FB that they were, in fact, breaking up with me. They did tell me however, that if I wrote J*** an apology letter, that maybe 6-9 months down the road I would be eligible for re-hire. Both my supervisor and general manager said they would back me up, if I asked for my job back, because they both know, I rocked at it, but I don't know if I can go back to the catty, high-school mentality, that is my former workplace. I've already been offered a job that will be starting right around the same time that D graduates, and I think I might hold out for that. I know that I'll have to deal with assorted drama and corporate politics everywhere I go, and now I get to know what NOT to do, when I work for anyone else.
Plus, it's been really hard to write a letter to my former VP that doesn't contain the word douchebag in the first paragraph. It would be a lot easier, if I had ever had any respect for him, but during my six months at that company, he did nothing to show me that he deserved it. He didn't even know who I was, until someone brought this little FB issue to his desk.
And I'm glad he never got to try one of my cupcakes.
So for now, I'll just wait, and continue to plan out my dreams of being a big time caterer with her own TV show on a food channel somewhere.
Now off to my domestic duties. Yeehaw!
Going back to the schedule that you had, prior to the new schedule.
I can't believe it's already been a month since my unfortunate and unexpected departure from my workplace, and I think it's okay to talk about it, since I've decided to not even try to get my job back there, or anywhere until D Graduates. Her graduation is more important, than a job for me right now, plus, there's the planning of A's wedding in August, sooooooooo a job for me is put on hold for a minute.
Here's how I got fired, and why FB and Carlo Rossi jug wine do not mix.
Allow me to set the scenario for you, I'm home from work, sitting on my exercise ball. It's about 12:30 am and I'm on my second glass of Carlo Rossi Sangria in hand. Now keep in mind when I say glass, I of course mean a pint size mason jar, and well Carlo, he comes from a jug. It looked something similar to this.
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| At least it was a small jug in the picture. |
I'm sitting in front of my computer, and a co-worker had posted that she only had seven days at work left and then she would be free.
Then came a few comments, including one that said "Now if you just tell J*** to F*** Off you be among the legends." J*** may or may not be the VP of our company. Now comes my comment, which read, "If you do tell J*** to F*** Off, please for the love of all that is awesome, record it." To which she replied she probably wouldn't, to which I replied "Just a simple F*** Off and a who's coming with me, Half Baked style, would be amazing."
I would then be called into the office three days later, 15 minutes after we had a "New company policy" meeting, that told us all about the "no work talk allowed on social networking sites", and was told, that due to my comments on FB that they were, in fact, breaking up with me. They did tell me however, that if I wrote J*** an apology letter, that maybe 6-9 months down the road I would be eligible for re-hire. Both my supervisor and general manager said they would back me up, if I asked for my job back, because they both know, I rocked at it, but I don't know if I can go back to the catty, high-school mentality, that is my former workplace. I've already been offered a job that will be starting right around the same time that D graduates, and I think I might hold out for that. I know that I'll have to deal with assorted drama and corporate politics everywhere I go, and now I get to know what NOT to do, when I work for anyone else.
Plus, it's been really hard to write a letter to my former VP that doesn't contain the word douchebag in the first paragraph. It would be a lot easier, if I had ever had any respect for him, but during my six months at that company, he did nothing to show me that he deserved it. He didn't even know who I was, until someone brought this little FB issue to his desk.
And I'm glad he never got to try one of my cupcakes.
So for now, I'll just wait, and continue to plan out my dreams of being a big time caterer with her own TV show on a food channel somewhere.
Now off to my domestic duties. Yeehaw!
October 24, 2011
That's shocking!
When I was eight years old, I had a shocking experience.
Literally.
A childhood friend and I, had been playing outside in the mud. When we came in the house, my mom promptly stripped us down, and threw us in the bathtub. Now, on any other day this would have been absolutely harmless, but this wasn't any other day.
You see, when my mom ran our water, she had failed to notice the plugged in blow dryer, that was sitting atop the towel rack, and covered by the towel on said towel rack.
So there we were, Sissy and me, playing in our bubbles, splashing around, doing what kids do in the tub. When all of a sudden little ol' me got some soap in my eyes, and reached up to grab the towel above my head, pulling not only the towel into the tub, but, that's right, the blow dryer.
Unable to control myself, due to the trillion watts of electricity, I quickly sank under the water, flailing about uncontrollably. Sissy was lucky enough to be positioned on top of the unluckier me, who was now being kicked in the stomach and chest, repeatedly. Thankfully, Sissy was out of the water enough to scream for my mom, who was eight months pregnant with my younger sister. She came barreling in, mostly because she thought we were splashing and screaming for fun, saw the blow dryer in the tub, and did what any completely freaked out parent would do.
She tried to pull us out of the water.
It took her two times doing this to realize that she couldn't do it. She then wrapped her hand with a towel and yanked the plug out of the wall, and continued to pull our now limp bodies out of, The Death Water. I don't remember much about, the actual electrocution, but I do remember that I was paper white for about three days after, and I had two, almost white streaks, that grew out of the underneath of my hair for about five years.
Since then, I've had the power to shut down computers with the touch of my hand, I create static electricity out of thin air, giving me the power to shock unsuspecting innocents, even when I don't want to and I'm terrified of electricity, aaand although I love to watch lightening, I always do it from inside....something. And my heart palpitates, at least every other day.
My younger sister, we'll call her Powder, has also experienced some shocking side effects. While driving to my Grams' house one night, her car was struck by lightening, and once, while pushing a patient in a wheelchair, she turned on a light switch with a slightly damp hand, and was not only brought to her knees, but was admitted to the hospital for the night, with an irregular heartbeat.
I don't much remember what happened to Sissy after than. I imagine her parents probably banned her from us after that day. I mean, we almost killed their daughter, but it's not like we did it on purpose.
I wonder if this is why I don't blow dry my hair. Or bathe.
Just kidding, I totally blow dry my hair.
Literally.
A childhood friend and I, had been playing outside in the mud. When we came in the house, my mom promptly stripped us down, and threw us in the bathtub. Now, on any other day this would have been absolutely harmless, but this wasn't any other day.
You see, when my mom ran our water, she had failed to notice the plugged in blow dryer, that was sitting atop the towel rack, and covered by the towel on said towel rack.
So there we were, Sissy and me, playing in our bubbles, splashing around, doing what kids do in the tub. When all of a sudden little ol' me got some soap in my eyes, and reached up to grab the towel above my head, pulling not only the towel into the tub, but, that's right, the blow dryer.
Unable to control myself, due to the trillion watts of electricity, I quickly sank under the water, flailing about uncontrollably. Sissy was lucky enough to be positioned on top of the unluckier me, who was now being kicked in the stomach and chest, repeatedly. Thankfully, Sissy was out of the water enough to scream for my mom, who was eight months pregnant with my younger sister. She came barreling in, mostly because she thought we were splashing and screaming for fun, saw the blow dryer in the tub, and did what any completely freaked out parent would do.
She tried to pull us out of the water.
It took her two times doing this to realize that she couldn't do it. She then wrapped her hand with a towel and yanked the plug out of the wall, and continued to pull our now limp bodies out of, The Death Water. I don't remember much about, the actual electrocution, but I do remember that I was paper white for about three days after, and I had two, almost white streaks, that grew out of the underneath of my hair for about five years.
Since then, I've had the power to shut down computers with the touch of my hand, I create static electricity out of thin air, giving me the power to shock unsuspecting innocents, even when I don't want to and I'm terrified of electricity, aaand although I love to watch lightening, I always do it from inside....something. And my heart palpitates, at least every other day.
My younger sister, we'll call her Powder, has also experienced some shocking side effects. While driving to my Grams' house one night, her car was struck by lightening, and once, while pushing a patient in a wheelchair, she turned on a light switch with a slightly damp hand, and was not only brought to her knees, but was admitted to the hospital for the night, with an irregular heartbeat.
I don't much remember what happened to Sissy after than. I imagine her parents probably banned her from us after that day. I mean, we almost killed their daughter, but it's not like we did it on purpose.
I wonder if this is why I don't blow dry my hair. Or bathe.
Just kidding, I totally blow dry my hair.
July 27, 2011
Whaddya wanna know???
Hey Hey Hey everyone!!! Guess what??? That's right it's Wednesday and that must mean it's time for another Q and A session. I love these. I bet you would too, jump on over and shout out your answers too.
As always, I'd like to thank Mamarazzi for this wonderful opportunity to get to know each other and find new friends.
Today's questions are courtesy of Queso, and a bunch of fine questions they are. Number one is killing me though. Mostly because I have to answer it. So, here goes.
1. Who would you call if you had to get bailed out of jail?
Damn this question. Well the answer is...back in my totally irresponsible days, I hate to say, I had a few run-ins with the law and ended up in the clink on a few different occasions. The only times I was ever bailed out, was when my best friends mom bailed me out, but only because she won at Bingo that night. And the other time, the most memorable time I ever went to jail, a very dear friend of mine posted my bail. If I ever go back to jail, and this is very hypothetical because I've learned my lessons, I'd just call home.
2. If you were a superhero what would your hero name be?
MegaTits, and I'd be able to hypnotize evil doers with my amazing rack. They would be powerless under my spell, plus I'd be able to shoot laser beams outta my eyes. **Most guys just stare at my boobs anyways, might as well use them for good, right?
3. What do you think is one of your best qualities?
But, I have so many. Bwahaha. I would have to say that, besides being an amazing wife and mother, I'm one of the most loyal friends you could have in your corner. If I love you, I will never leave you, I might back off and give you space, or give myself space, but we will always be the greatest of friends, unless you walk away. Hell, most of the people I'm still very close to are the same people I was close to when I was sixteen.
4. What song would you pick to be your own personal theme song?
**Sweet baby Huey, Queso, these are some tough questions.
I have a million answers for this. No, really, I am a music hound. I always have a song in my head. Always. I can't say I have a specific life theme song, but if I were to pick one that I listen to most often when I'm down or I need to keep going when things are rough I always put this song on, really loud, of course. It's a good all around song to help keep me motivated and positive.
5. What celebrity do you think is most over rated?
All of them??? No, I guess there are some really good and decent celebrities out there. I would have to say Lindsey Lohan would be first on the list followed by, Angelina Jolie, Lady Gaga, and a bunch of others, that would take forever for me to list.
Whew! I made it. Excellent questions Queso!
What are your answers?
Til Tomorrow,
Marisa
As always, I'd like to thank Mamarazzi for this wonderful opportunity to get to know each other and find new friends.
Today's questions are courtesy of Queso, and a bunch of fine questions they are. Number one is killing me though. Mostly because I have to answer it. So, here goes.
1. Who would you call if you had to get bailed out of jail?
Damn this question. Well the answer is...back in my totally irresponsible days, I hate to say, I had a few run-ins with the law and ended up in the clink on a few different occasions. The only times I was ever bailed out, was when my best friends mom bailed me out, but only because she won at Bingo that night. And the other time, the most memorable time I ever went to jail, a very dear friend of mine posted my bail. If I ever go back to jail, and this is very hypothetical because I've learned my lessons, I'd just call home.
2. If you were a superhero what would your hero name be?
MegaTits, and I'd be able to hypnotize evil doers with my amazing rack. They would be powerless under my spell, plus I'd be able to shoot laser beams outta my eyes. **Most guys just stare at my boobs anyways, might as well use them for good, right?
3. What do you think is one of your best qualities?
But, I have so many. Bwahaha. I would have to say that, besides being an amazing wife and mother, I'm one of the most loyal friends you could have in your corner. If I love you, I will never leave you, I might back off and give you space, or give myself space, but we will always be the greatest of friends, unless you walk away. Hell, most of the people I'm still very close to are the same people I was close to when I was sixteen.
4. What song would you pick to be your own personal theme song?
**Sweet baby Huey, Queso, these are some tough questions.
I have a million answers for this. No, really, I am a music hound. I always have a song in my head. Always. I can't say I have a specific life theme song, but if I were to pick one that I listen to most often when I'm down or I need to keep going when things are rough I always put this song on, really loud, of course. It's a good all around song to help keep me motivated and positive.
5. What celebrity do you think is most over rated?
All of them??? No, I guess there are some really good and decent celebrities out there. I would have to say Lindsey Lohan would be first on the list followed by, Angelina Jolie, Lady Gaga, and a bunch of others, that would take forever for me to list.
Whew! I made it. Excellent questions Queso!
What are your answers?
Til Tomorrow,
Marisa
July 21, 2011
10k? Shit, I can't even run the length of the driveway.
It has come to my attention that I am...totally out of shape. I know, I know, this probably comes as a shock to most of you, but....It's true.
Last night I decided to head over to KT house, where we talked, laughed, took a little boat ride around the lake, then, I drank....and then I drank some more.
Long story short...
Hahahahaha, this is me remember??
This morning after The Mr. left, I cleaned up the kitchen and decided that I had done enough work for one morning, and laid down on the couch tonap rest my eyes. When all of a sudden, I'm awoken by the sound of the garbage truck rumbling and squealing through the hood.
"Shit" I yell, to no one. "It's garbage day".
I jump up, blurry and red eyed, throw on my flippy-floppy's and run out, grab can #1 and literally run it to the end of the driveway, if any of you know anything about me, I don't run. If you see me run, you better start running too, because obviously something bad is chasing me. I run back down the driveway and grab can #2 as I'm hearing the rumble and squeal get closer, I turn and run the can up the driveway in just enough time, to turn around, so the approaching garbage boys don't see me in all my red-eyed, psychotic haired, spandex shorts, out of breath glory.
Just yesterday I was telling the younger that we should start training for The Warrior Dash, which is a really fun and muddy obstacle course. I was also telling her that we should get into a mini or half marathon. After today's, near death running experience, I may have to rethink all of this.
Almost Friday!!!!
Marisa
Last night I decided to head over to KT house, where we talked, laughed, took a little boat ride around the lake, then, I drank....and then I drank some more.
Long story short...
Hahahahaha, this is me remember??
This morning after The Mr. left, I cleaned up the kitchen and decided that I had done enough work for one morning, and laid down on the couch to
"Shit" I yell, to no one. "It's garbage day".
I jump up, blurry and red eyed, throw on my flippy-floppy's and run out, grab can #1 and literally run it to the end of the driveway, if any of you know anything about me, I don't run. If you see me run, you better start running too, because obviously something bad is chasing me. I run back down the driveway and grab can #2 as I'm hearing the rumble and squeal get closer, I turn and run the can up the driveway in just enough time, to turn around, so the approaching garbage boys don't see me in all my red-eyed, psychotic haired, spandex shorts, out of breath glory.
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| Two trips, at a panicked run, hauling a 50lb garbage can and I felt like I needed to lay down and die. |
Just yesterday I was telling the younger that we should start training for The Warrior Dash, which is a really fun and muddy obstacle course. I was also telling her that we should get into a mini or half marathon. After today's, near death running experience, I may have to rethink all of this.
Almost Friday!!!!
Marisa
June 14, 2011
Telling it like it is.
Why I'm a felon.
Okay, so I figure I've shown you all my good side, my mature side, my responsible side. Now, would you like to hear what I did before I became the model citizen you see here?
I knew you would.
Let's set the scene to the Sunday after Thanksgiving circa 1999. I remember the day well, luckily for my younger, she does not. I was driving south on the ole I-5, doing about 71 mph in a 60, when I zoomed past a couple of troopers, just waiting for some dumbass to speed on by. Hi, my name is Dumbass. Next thing I know, lights are flashing red, blue, red, blue, in my rearview, and I do what any person does in this case. I pulled over.
* * * *
Now let's back the story up quite a few years to when I was 18, circa 1991. I was given a car, with the strict instructions to get my license and all that responsible stuff. I tried. Five times I tried to pass that damn written test. Tried and failed, tried and failed and then, just failed to try anymore. Why did I need a license anyways??? I already knew how to drive the car, better than most people I knew in fact. It's because we have a good driving gene in our dna pool. So from that day on, I became "that person" the one that drives around with no license, no insurance and a magnet in every car I drove, that would draw the police right to me. Even without any violation, I for some reason would look suspicious enough for a cop to just randomly run my plates and nab me. One would think that having that many tickets and missed court dates and yes, a few jail stints, would put me back at the DOL to take that violently hated written test again. It did not. It was just easier to label myself as a failure, and do what I thought was my best, to be a good person in spite of this failure.
* * * *
Back to 1999 and me pulled over on the side of the road, waiting for Mr. Joe Cop, to come and ask me "if I know why I've been pulled over", when my sweet little five year old asks from the back seat, "Are you going to jail, Momma?", unfortunately both my kids had seen this happen once or twice before, like I said, I wasn't always this awesome. So, right as Joe Cop is at my back bumper, I exclaim to her, "not today babydoll" and threw my car into drive and Thelma and Louised it to the nearest exit, then took the local city, county and state police on a semi-slow speed chase, reaching speeds of a whopping 35 as my max speed. I was also kind enough to stop a stop signs and treat red lights as four way stops. I was completely lost, in a city I didn't know, with a five year old in my backseat and a growing number of police cars behind me. After ten minutes and 7 miles, I was at the end of the road, literally. I had chosen a road that led to a driveway gate, that had three giant rottweilers on the other side, just daring me to try and run some more.
Needless to say, I was removed from my car, at gun point. My daughter was taken to the police station, my aunt was called to retrieve her and I went to jail, then went to court, lost my "never had it in the first place" license and was convicted of Felony attempt to elude.
I thought I had had a nervous breakdown. I went and saw a therapist immediately, I mean, I was a dumbass and all, but nothing like this. She told me it was a fight or flight thing, and that given my history with Johnny Law, that statistically, I was bound to try and fly at some point. Try being a keyword, failing being another.
I am happy to report though, that I am a fully licensed driver, with insurance and a kid that knows to take her ticket, if ever faced with the same dilemma as her mom. Although, I'm still a cop magnet and still completely unable to talk myself out of a ticket. Which reminds me, I need to send in my most recent ticket to litigation.
So, I guess my moral to the story is; when you get pulled over and you pull your car over, just take the ticket. What?! You already knew that? Damn!
Have a sweet day!
Marisa aka Former Outlaw
Okay, so I figure I've shown you all my good side, my mature side, my responsible side. Now, would you like to hear what I did before I became the model citizen you see here?
I knew you would.
Let's set the scene to the Sunday after Thanksgiving circa 1999. I remember the day well, luckily for my younger, she does not. I was driving south on the ole I-5, doing about 71 mph in a 60, when I zoomed past a couple of troopers, just waiting for some dumbass to speed on by. Hi, my name is Dumbass. Next thing I know, lights are flashing red, blue, red, blue, in my rearview, and I do what any person does in this case. I pulled over.
* * * *
Now let's back the story up quite a few years to when I was 18, circa 1991. I was given a car, with the strict instructions to get my license and all that responsible stuff. I tried. Five times I tried to pass that damn written test. Tried and failed, tried and failed and then, just failed to try anymore. Why did I need a license anyways??? I already knew how to drive the car, better than most people I knew in fact. It's because we have a good driving gene in our dna pool. So from that day on, I became "that person" the one that drives around with no license, no insurance and a magnet in every car I drove, that would draw the police right to me. Even without any violation, I for some reason would look suspicious enough for a cop to just randomly run my plates and nab me. One would think that having that many tickets and missed court dates and yes, a few jail stints, would put me back at the DOL to take that violently hated written test again. It did not. It was just easier to label myself as a failure, and do what I thought was my best, to be a good person in spite of this failure.
* * * *
Back to 1999 and me pulled over on the side of the road, waiting for Mr. Joe Cop, to come and ask me "if I know why I've been pulled over", when my sweet little five year old asks from the back seat, "Are you going to jail, Momma?", unfortunately both my kids had seen this happen once or twice before, like I said, I wasn't always this awesome. So, right as Joe Cop is at my back bumper, I exclaim to her, "not today babydoll" and threw my car into drive and Thelma and Louised it to the nearest exit, then took the local city, county and state police on a semi-slow speed chase, reaching speeds of a whopping 35 as my max speed. I was also kind enough to stop a stop signs and treat red lights as four way stops. I was completely lost, in a city I didn't know, with a five year old in my backseat and a growing number of police cars behind me. After ten minutes and 7 miles, I was at the end of the road, literally. I had chosen a road that led to a driveway gate, that had three giant rottweilers on the other side, just daring me to try and run some more.
Needless to say, I was removed from my car, at gun point. My daughter was taken to the police station, my aunt was called to retrieve her and I went to jail, then went to court, lost my "never had it in the first place" license and was convicted of Felony attempt to elude.
I thought I had had a nervous breakdown. I went and saw a therapist immediately, I mean, I was a dumbass and all, but nothing like this. She told me it was a fight or flight thing, and that given my history with Johnny Law, that statistically, I was bound to try and fly at some point. Try being a keyword, failing being another.
I am happy to report though, that I am a fully licensed driver, with insurance and a kid that knows to take her ticket, if ever faced with the same dilemma as her mom. Although, I'm still a cop magnet and still completely unable to talk myself out of a ticket. Which reminds me, I need to send in my most recent ticket to litigation.
So, I guess my moral to the story is; when you get pulled over and you pull your car over, just take the ticket. What?! You already knew that? Damn!
Have a sweet day!
Marisa aka Former Outlaw
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