A battle between my own toughts.

Well, Christmas is over, and it was a great day. I loved spending the day with both my girls.  I hate that they've gone and growed all up and stuff.   And they just keep growing up.  At midnight, on Christmas, D's bf, gave  her a ring and asked her to marry him.  

LE.SIGH!!!

I don't know how I feel about this.  Some of you may or may not know, that 'A', my oldest, got married young at nineteen, That marriage didn't work out to well, and she was with that boy for three years, only to have the marriage last about five months before the divorce was started.  She just got married again, last August, and although they love each other very much, they are having a rough beginning.  
Now by no means am I comparing my kids.  A.  I really try not to do that and 2.  They have been complete opposites, from the day they became sisters.  HOWEVER COMMA as their mother I know my kids, pretty damn well actually, and this is just a shock for me.  D has always been my...'Ugh, how can you be that in love with someone after only knowing them for three weeks' or 'I can't believe they're engaged, they've only been together for six months' kid, so when I found out that she was engaged to a boy that she has been with, for less than a year, it kind of felt like someone punched me in the throat, while ripping my heart out at the same time.  
Don't get me wrong.  I like the kids she's shacked up with, but I thought the ONE THING that I have seriously taught my kids through example was, waiting to get married.  I'm not saying wait as long as me and The Mr. did.  A sixteen year engagement can be a bit long, but hey, when I walked down that aisle, I knew I'd had plenty of time to back out.  And even though, she's promised me that this will be a looooong engagement, she also promised me that she'd stay home until she was at least nineteen, and that she'd never love a boy more than her mommy.  Yeah, I have separation issues, I know this.  And now, at eighteen she's shacked up and engaged to a boy she's only loved for about 8 months.  
I think the thing I hate about it all is...I get it.  I get her perspective.  I mean hell, me and The Mr. have been together since I was nineteen years old, and I've been 'into' him since I was seventeen, so I get that I sound like a total hypocrite.  But, I also know, that committing yourself to someone, at that young of an age, can be really rough. But then, any relationship, whether it's a marriage or a friendship, can be really rough.  
Ugh, I don't know.  
I do know that I raised smart kids, who can generally tell the difference between realistic love and fairy tale love, they did see their dad and I split up for two years, when we went through a reaaaally rough patch, so they know to always put their happiness and well being first, and that even though you love someone, it's okay to not be with them while you figure your own shit out.  I'm living proof that...what is meant to be, is really meant to be.  Hell, we all are.
I am happy about the fact that, the engagement isn't prompted because she's pregnant, which by the way is the first thing people ask me when I tell them my young daughter is getting married.  I tell them no, and they look at me as though I'm lying.  I hate it, I get it, but I hate it. 
Oh well, time to buck up and realize that I have great kids, and that I did a great job in raising them.  I mean, if I have faith that I taught them right, I have to have faith that they learned right.  Right???!!!  I'll just be neurotic about it for a week or two, then I'll snap out of it, like I always do.

Maybe 20 minutes on the elliptical will help clear my mind.

Or maybe a brownie will.  

Hell, it might just take both.

Thanks for listening.
See ya soon!

A weekend full of T&A

Come hang out, read blogs and link up....Tell us what's up, Buttercups???



Whewwww, I made it through another milestone, and I even have my sanity left.  As some of you may know, my oldest, Lexi got married this weekend.  It was a beautiful outdoor wedding, complete with perfect weather, a stunning bride, a very handsome groom and some pretty badass food.  **not to toot my own horn or anything, but....beep beep.

The ceremony itself, was very sweet and slightly religious, since Tyler comes from a very devout family, which I'm sure tickled the hell out of Alexis' biodad and step mom, since they view me as the Anti-Christ.  This was also the first time I've seen both of them together, since Alexis came back to live with me when she was fifteen, and since the step mom wrote her a pretty rotten email a few weeks ago.  It was kind of hard for me to not kill them with death rays from my eyeballs, but it was my baby's special day, and Ithought such violence should be saved for another day.  The Mr. was there and was of course as handsome as ever, with his tucked in button up shirt and such.  I love it when he comes to events.  It helps prove that he is, in fact, a real boy, and not just a figment of my imagination that I made up to appease my loneliness.  

So instead of continuing to babble about it, how about I show ya some pics.....

The Mr. and me.  He cleans up good, don't he.  Hubba hubba!  PS.  Where are my lips???

This is Alexis, smiling during the opening prayer.  What a happy girl.

Sealed with a kiss.

The women of my family, well some of them.  My Grams, my mama, my baby, me and my baby baby.

Their wedding cake and cupcakes.

Licking the wedding cake off her face.

The new Mr. and Mrs.

The first dance.

And of course.  Kate and I, showing how and how not to act in public.

The weather was perfect, the ceremony was perfect and I believe the couple is perfect for each others.....

Have an awesome day!!!

What I've been up to. Pt. 1

Over the last six weeks, my life, has drastically changed.  Some changes good, some bad, some really bad.


First off, the really bad.  The day that I feared the most in my life came to surface itself, on one of the two worst days of my year.  On my sons birthday, they day I sit around moping that he's not here to celebrate his birthday with us, I dropped the bomb on my husband, that we DID NOT in fact have the money in our savings account, for him to get his snowmobile.  


Shocked by this news, he proceeded to give me the longest bout of the silent treatment, in history.  "How could I have wasted all the money, why didn't I tell him that I had to dip into savings", all the things that he was entitled to know, but didn't want to hear the answers to.  


Now let me explain this, it's not like I was just going out on shopping sprees, or out to fancy dinners, and I certainly wasn't going to the races every weekend, telling my wife to get me this and get me that and make sure I have a couple hundred bucks to get through the weekend.  No, I was not doing that.  I wasn't the one living by the "of course you can get it for me, we have a few thousand dollars in the bank" rule.  


But, I also wasn't the one saying, "hey listen, if you do this, we'll be out of money by Tuesday and I'll have to dip into saving to get us by until Friday".  I was the one who enjoyed seeing The Mister so happy, going here for a day, or there for the weekend.  He seemed content, and that made me content.  I was also the one that was under the delusion that I would get a job quickly, and be able to replace the money that was depleting at a faster than slow pace.  I was also enjoying the fact that, I too fell into the delusion that I could start getting more of the things I wanted.  Bad, bad, bad...


Luckily after five days of silence and a whole lot of "real talk" to him, from his best friend, who's always managed to stay pretty objective to us, and pointed out, that he put me through a great amount of hell for about six years, and maybe he should re-evaluate the situation before he throws all those stones, and then, he started talking to me again, but it's changed things greatly for us.  Like, from now on, until we can prove to each other  that we can manage money, we're going to manage our own monies.  He can manage his, and I'll manage mine.  For twenty years we've managed to mess things up financially, and I really want to try stick to a budget.  Problem is we don't see eye to eye with how to do it, so for now, we'll do it separately.  I know it's not ideal, but it's how it's gonna be.


So that's one of the things I've been up too, 
I'll tell ya more later...

Til were dead!

Today is The Mister's and I second wedding anniversary. Wooooooooooooooo!

That scruffy ass beard and my orange hair tie bracelet really classes us up.

To us a just another day, I mean, we've been together for like 100 years.  Okay, maybe only 18, but hey, sometimes it feels like a hundred.  It does mean however, that I get to make a nice dinner and spend the day crafting him a card that will make him say awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, right before he puts it on the coffee table and picks up the TV remote and spends the day channel surfing .  Which is okay, because I have a super busy day planned myself and I wouldn't want him to feel lonely.


The younger's last day of summer is today and I'll be spending the day making her hair RED and putting little feathers and pieces of tinsel in it, that represent her school colors.  Then I have to make a super special anniversary dinner that won't cost me as much as it would to just go to dinner.  


Last year was awesome, we went out to dinner at our local Italian joint and came home to a romantic fire...via on demand, and our toasting glasses with a bottle of wine and cards from our girls.  The did the coffee table up all romantic like and everything. How can that be topped?  

Still my favorite wedding picture.  Except, the bouquet, I had a really pretty, too bad it was at home and I was in Vegas.

Hmmmmmmmmm.  Maybe a dusk-time chunky dunk down at the lake, complete with grapes and a box of wine.  I'll figure it out.  


All I know is I still love the guy and will til were dead. ♥


See y'all tomorrow.
Marisa

Surviving the layoff. Day One.

Well, we thought we were out of the threat of layoffs, until my husbands company's next job got pushed back 4-6 weeks.  So now, The Mister is home for a few weeks, and our budget has been cut in half, until I can find a job, which is seeming to be impossible, but I'm still-a-tryin' to find one.


So no more glamorous meals of, rib eyes and sirloins, and we're taking a temporary hiatus from our Friday night date night's at the local pizza joint.  Back to cheap, delicious comfort foods.  Silver lining:  It'll give me a chance to post some yummy, inexpensive recipes, and some of our money saving tips.  Silver lining #2:  My Mister inadvertently motivates me.  When he's around I spend less time thinking and more time doing, and that means that I'll spend more of my time accomplishing things that I normally avoid.  Like listing things to my Etsy store, taking the 10 boxes of unwanted items down to the goodwill, get my ass off the couch and take the dog for a walk around the neighborhood and drop 20lbs.


This could be the best layoff ever, who really knows?  But I'll be sure to keep you posted.
Til' tomorrow kids,
Marisa

Eighteen Year Itch?? **Sex talk**

The Mister and I have always had a pretty accepting relationship, we have our bumps and struggles, and even separated for two years, about 12 years ago, but for the most part, we've always accepted each other for who we are.  


Until recently.


For the last few months, even before the threat of lay-offs loomed, I've been noticing, that even though we spend the same amount of time with each other, we're losing more and more "quality time".  And by "quality time", I'm totally talking about our version of romance, which isn't really all that romantic.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a girl, and I do like to be romanticized, but I've know our whole life together, that isn't who he is and I've suppressed my desire change my perspective on the subject altogether, mostly.  Plus, even without romance, passion has always been there.


But now, it seems like our lighter's running outta fluid.  The little things that used to pacify my need for affection are starting to fade, and I tell him this, and I ask "what can I do to change it" and I get "I don't know, things don't seem different to me".  
Okay, whoa Bucko!


***Grams, or anyone that doesn't want to see the word SEX,  if your reading this, scroll down a  paragraph, or don't, but you've been warned.***


Okay....
Six months ago we had a pretty healthy sex life, two - three times a week, give or take a time or two.  I really had no complaints, but over the last few months it's dwindled down to only about once a week, and even more since we haven't had it in well, two weeks tomorrow.  Ugh!  I know for certain he's not stepping out on me because:
A.  No other woman on the planet could hand his high-maintenance.  I mean seriously, you'd think he was an eighteen year old Beverly Hills debutante, sometimes.
2.  We've already separated once, there's no fear in doing it again.  If we wanted to be somewhere else, we would be.
C.  I know his love for me hasn't changed, I still see a little bit of his shy charm (his super-power) just not so much lately.
The only thing that has really changed is our spark chemistry flame passion lust sex life.  
Short of prancing around the house naked, or in a school girl outfit, (which would be hard to explain to the shadow kid) I've done a multitude of things to fuel the flame, sexy texts, dressing super cute, flawless-borderline trampy makeup, flirting with him, I've cleaned the house more ( a total turn on for him), I've even all out pounced on him, and we still haven't had sex in two weeks, TWO WEEKS!!!  We've never gone more than a week, for as long as we've lived together, not even when we're mad at each other.  


I get that he's stressed about possibly being laid off, totally get it, but we've had to struggle harder than this and still managed to keep the affection level pretty even, but holy rolo's, I'm starting to let the rejection get to me.  Did I mention I can be a total girl sometimes??? 


I do know, that just like everything else in life, this to shall pass, but dammit, I'm entirely ready for it to go!  It's making me really bitchy.
Well, even more so than normal, and not nearly as fun.
Bleh!  I'm tired of my own whining.
Think I'll go dancing tonight, maybe sing a song or two.


Rock n' Roll, hipsters, Rock and Roll!!
Marisa