Woulda look at that, I'm a poet!
This is my year. I'm claiming it. This is the year that I figure me out, and hope that once I do that, everything else will fall into place. Don't get me wrong. I love myself, and have accepted who I am. And I'm not looking to change everything about me, but I DO want to make myself better. I need to adapt a part of me to try...TRY to be more organized, if I'm ever going to make a run at any sort of business, I have to have some sort of system. Well other than collect papers, then stack in a pile later. Then collect more papers, then stack in a pile somewhere else, destined to be lost, possibly forever. I have two filing cabinets, I know HOW to file, but am just to lazy to actually sit there an file them and keep my shit straight. Now don't get me wrong, I know I am perfectly capable of being organized, and managing my time well. I do it at work everyday. I need to tap into that motivation and carry it home with me. But how?
Ugh. I guess the same way I would tell anyone else, if they were asking the question to me.
You just do it!
Hmmm, maybe I should make myself shirts that say, "Just Do It" and "Git er Done". I bet I could make a fortune off those shirts. -_-
If affirmation shirts worked, I wouldn't be having this conversation with myself, and you wouldn't have to witness this little bout of schizophrenia.
I'm starting to think that being a Libra, isn't all it's cracked up to be.
You're balanced they say. You know what that really means?
I can't make up my fucking mind. My head is full of 'but on the other hand's.' I'm constantly seeing things from different perspectives, which don't get me wrong is kind of awesome sometimes, but it's also a real bitch.
Libra's also love everything beautiful. You know what THAT really means?
Yeah sure I'm crafty, but I'm messy as hell.
When I bake cakes and cupcakes, it looks like a food fight between two 6yo, went on in my kitchen.
Even when I paint a sign, it looks like a classroom of preschoolers, was finger painting all over. Almost every piece of clothing I own has paint, or glitter glue on it. My husband looks like he often frequents strip clubs, with the amount of glitter that falls off of him weekly. At least he looks like a stud to his co workers. Or desperate. Whatever.
Annnnnd, we tend to be fair and just. Do you have any idea how twisted and macabre my imagination is, but my conscience won't ever let me play with it. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm no Ted Bundy, but I could probably start a pretty large cult if I wanted too. Not like a "drink the Kool-Aid cult," more of a really big
commune, where we live on a island and I make all the rules.
Just kidding I made that last part up for laughs.
Although, I'd be an awesome hippy commune leader.
Back to the issue at hand. Being a better me, and not getting side-tracked and making jokes. Maybe that's the thing...I hate seriousness. It makes me uncomfortable, to the point where I avoid situations all together, to stay away from the anxiety of the uncomfortableness, that resides in my own head. And that's when we come full circle back to the mental battle of which personality gets controlling stock of the 20% of my brain that I access. I need to be more serious in my approach to building better habits, and not laughing it off when I don't achieve my destined-to-fail-because-they're-to-much-too-soon type goals.
I need baby steps, I need consistency, I need perseverance.
I raised my kids to think like that, why can't I raise myself to think like that?!
I bet I can. I probably need help though.
Hmmmm, I definitely have some things to think about.
What do you think???