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October 13, 2010

What the hell did I just do?!

     Ok, I am the worlds BIGGEST wuss when it comes to going to the dentist.  Why, you ask? Um, it would be because their dentists.  And, well I have some of the world's worst teeth, I mean, I've seen people from third world countries who don't even know what dentists are and people that have been doing meth for 200 years with better teeth than mine.  And, what really chaps my ass, is that I spent my childhood and tween life taking excellent care of my teeth, or so I thought.  I got braces at fifteen, even though the orthodontist said my teeth would eventually fall out and I'd be lucky to have any of my teeth by 40.  Bastard!  He cursed me from that day on.  I got my braces of two years later and that began my adult tooth-loss, without any compensation from the tooth fairy.  Greedy bitch!  You would think that she would at least flip a poor girl a quarter now and then.  It didn't take long for my teeth to get worse.  So here I am 20 years and 20 less teeth later, starting a seemingly endless journey to the land of false teeth.  Yes, that is what I have decided to do.  Just about half of my family over the age of thirty has a mostly if not all, fake smile and I figured it high time to join in the ranks.  I figure, if I can get this done before March, then I will really deserve our trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras.

     Unfortunately if anyone reads this, they will have to endure my harrowing tales of my anxiety ridden posts while I transform into the new more toothy me.  Have I mentioned the dentist really scares me?  Not like most people who think, "aww I hate the sound of the drill and the smell of the office", those people are my heroes.  No, I'm the person that makes all the children in the office run out screaming for freedom,  because I'm laying in the fetal position, rocking, sobbing and dying to find a happy place.  They are my boogie man.  I don't dream of intruders breaking into my house, or being chased by vampires and werewolves, no, I dream of  evil men, with giant needles and jack hammers coming at me.  Files in their hands and no laughing gas in sight.  Send.Mass.Valium.Now.  And a paper bag for me to breath into until I pass out.

It should be great. : |

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I got a speeding ticket last night.  Third one in just over a year.  Driving school here I come.  : | : |

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