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December 27, 2012

A battle between my own toughts.

Well, Christmas is over, and it was a great day. I loved spending the day with both my girls.  I hate that they've gone and growed all up and stuff.   And they just keep growing up.  At midnight, on Christmas, D's bf, gave  her a ring and asked her to marry him.  


I don't know how I feel about this.  Some of you may or may not know, that 'A', my oldest, got married young at nineteen, That marriage didn't work out to well, and she was with that boy for three years, only to have the marriage last about five months before the divorce was started.  She just got married again, last August, and although they love each other very much, they are having a rough beginning.  
Now by no means am I comparing my kids.  A.  I really try not to do that and 2.  They have been complete opposites, from the day they became sisters.  HOWEVER COMMA as their mother I know my kids, pretty damn well actually, and this is just a shock for me.  D has always been my...'Ugh, how can you be that in love with someone after only knowing them for three weeks' or 'I can't believe they're engaged, they've only been together for six months' kid, so when I found out that she was engaged to a boy that she has been with, for less than a year, it kind of felt like someone punched me in the throat, while ripping my heart out at the same time.  
Don't get me wrong.  I like the kids she's shacked up with, but I thought the ONE THING that I have seriously taught my kids through example was, waiting to get married.  I'm not saying wait as long as me and The Mr. did.  A sixteen year engagement can be a bit long, but hey, when I walked down that aisle, I knew I'd had plenty of time to back out.  And even though, she's promised me that this will be a looooong engagement, she also promised me that she'd stay home until she was at least nineteen, and that she'd never love a boy more than her mommy.  Yeah, I have separation issues, I know this.  And now, at eighteen she's shacked up and engaged to a boy she's only loved for about 8 months.  
I think the thing I hate about it all is...I get it.  I get her perspective.  I mean hell, me and The Mr. have been together since I was nineteen years old, and I've been 'into' him since I was seventeen, so I get that I sound like a total hypocrite.  But, I also know, that committing yourself to someone, at that young of an age, can be really rough. But then, any relationship, whether it's a marriage or a friendship, can be really rough.  
Ugh, I don't know.  
I do know that I raised smart kids, who can generally tell the difference between realistic love and fairy tale love, they did see their dad and I split up for two years, when we went through a reaaaally rough patch, so they know to always put their happiness and well being first, and that even though you love someone, it's okay to not be with them while you figure your own shit out.  I'm living proof that...what is meant to be, is really meant to be.  Hell, we all are.
I am happy about the fact that, the engagement isn't prompted because she's pregnant, which by the way is the first thing people ask me when I tell them my young daughter is getting married.  I tell them no, and they look at me as though I'm lying.  I hate it, I get it, but I hate it. 
Oh well, time to buck up and realize that I have great kids, and that I did a great job in raising them.  I mean, if I have faith that I taught them right, I have to have faith that they learned right.  Right???!!!  I'll just be neurotic about it for a week or two, then I'll snap out of it, like I always do.

Maybe 20 minutes on the elliptical will help clear my mind.

Or maybe a brownie will.  

Hell, it might just take both.

Thanks for listening.
See ya soon!

1 comment:

  1. I totally sympathize. I would be freaking also.


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